Week 47 – a tough week

The results of the referendum have turned our life upside down. The society we thought we were bringing our son up in no longer exists and the evidence of the last few days suggests the one we’re going to be left with is incompatible with our values.

As if this stress wasn’t enough we have to reconsider everything from how to keep my husband’s business going to whether we need to move to a country whose values are closer to our own. For those who haven’t guessed, our son is dual heritage. The sudden surge in racist incidents across the country has added a layer of fear I’ve never felt before. Thankfully, we’ve been spared any hostility so far.

In the midst of all this, Reindeer became poorly on Friday night. He awoke at ten, burning hot all over and shaking. We dialed 111 and were directed to the out of hours GP. An ear infection was diagnosed and we were sent home with antibiotics and painkillers.

The medication seems to be working, although Reindeer has been very variable mood-wise since. I’m not sure if it’s because he feels unwell or if we’ve just reached that part of development where he’s beginning to carve out some independence.

For almost 11-months I’ve cuddled him to sleep every night. For the last couple of nights he’s gotten himself to sleep without me. When we were new parents and the sleep deprivation was at its worst, I looked forward to not needing to walk him around whilst exhausted myself. Now I actually feel devastated that he doesn’t need our shared cuddle as much any more.

This is probably the first of many occasions when I’m going to feel unhappily redundant, even though it means we’re doing the right thing as he feels confident and content enough in himself to become more independent.

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